It’s time to pay for all the excess you consumed over the Christmas and New Year period. This means back to work, back to the office and the inevitable office speak.
You know the jargon phrases your boss uses in meetings, (and every other opportunity), to make simple, everyday ideas sound more technical and hopefully credible.
You may have even played bingo with your colleagues, counting the number of times your boss uses his favourite phrase and crossing them off your scorecard.
However, we’re entering a new year and with it, a new age - So we’ve upgraded and re-booted some of the best (and worst) jargon phrases for 2016.
Drones are one of the hottest items at the moment and are tipped to revolutionise the postage industry. So we’ve upgraded the traditional ‘helicopter view’ into something far more 2016. At your next meeting, try suggesting you take broader view even higher to get a ‘drone view’ of the situation.
Reinvent the hoverboard
Technology is changing; surely we don’t still need old tech that was around in pre-historic times when the Flintstones was filmed…right? Instead of ‘reinventing the wheel’, let’s update it ‘reinvent the hoverboard’ a phrase we think could really ‘blow up’ in 2016.
The data Tim’d
2015 was a year of high points in space exploration. Englishman Tim Peak went up there to live for a little bit and have a little walk, just because he could. So, in honour of the man himself, we now say that there is a ‘Tim’ in the data, or that ‘the data Tim’d’ at its maximum point.
Let’s talk about this later
‘Let’s touch base offline’ works, if the meeting is ‘online’ like a Skype conference. If not, we’d suggest not making up that the meeting is somehow virtual. So for this we have no magical replacement metaphor, we reckon you should just stick to saying something normal like – ‘let’s talk about this later?’
We’re all on the Starkiller Base
We’re all onboard what exactly? We’re not all still travelling by boat anymore so let’s update this phrase for the times we live in. Thanks to air travel (and the new Star Wars movie) life now moves a bit faster. Try saying ‘we’re on the Starkiller Base’ to show you are right up-to-speed with everything.
Read it like a Kindle
Are you so on top of your game that you can read your competitor’s latest move like a book? Unless you are in the publishing industry, you’re probably better nowadays to have read it like a Kindle.
Still on WAP.
To say you have ‘limited bandwidth’ can make you appear like you don’t have the skills. With 4G and Wi-Fi, now the norm, WAP is pretty archaic now so try saying you are still on WAP if you don’t have time / resource.
It’s on the Satnav
Radar was used to track ships and planes in days gone by. In the smart age, GPS satnavs are standard in new cars and smartphones and most of us are happy to be directed by these little genius pieces of technology.
Go for the low-hanging high-protein, low-carb, organic, soya milk, chai fruit shake you made on the new juice diet.
Because simply going for the ‘low hanging fruit’ is so last year.
Leave it to David Brent
If all else fails, leave talking like David Brent…to David Brent.